shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
