i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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