my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
