I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
