I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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