FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
