Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
