I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
