you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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