At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
