Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
