i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
