so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
