I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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