Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
accomplished twins. life is a go
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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