Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
