she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
