Dual....:-)
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
