i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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