We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
