i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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