then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
