Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
