I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
