when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
