he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize