when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
