i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
