i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
