considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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