True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
