last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
