we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
