I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
