I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
