You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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