If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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