just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
