What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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