is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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