You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
