i can't believe i had my finger in that
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
