make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
