you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
