my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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