Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
