She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
