Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
