We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
