I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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