Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
