it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
