I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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