Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
