Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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