I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
