: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
