Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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