tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
