you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
