What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
