Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
