I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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