you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
