I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
