And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
