in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
