Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
