Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
