I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
