I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
