I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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