Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
