I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Someone came in the potted fern
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
